If the key is to grab the reader's attention, then baby rape

Our hero smashes the figurative champagne bottle against the figurative hull of his figurative vessel that is this blog. It's name? The ever so catching I Missed Again, its endearing, self-deprecating undertones no doubt winning you over immediately.

In the spirit of transparency, for which I will constantly strive, an admission: I Missed Again wasn't my first choice for a name. The first choice was Easy Lover -- I have this thing for Phil Collins. But you know what? That URL was already taken. Okay fine, Blogger.com, just ruin it. Invisible Touch will do. But then that was taken, too.

Against All Odds? Land of Confusion? Sussudio?!?

No. No. No.

Fine! I pull out my Face Value jewel case -- actually, why didn't I just use that? -- and scan the track listing. "I Missed Again" is a nice cut. Also, the aforementioned endearing, self-deprecating undertones. We have a winner.

So, I Missed Again. You now know why.

Let's see, what else? I'm 27. I'm male. I'm white. My name isn't Yancey, thank god, but this will be my handle because... well, because I don't know why. It's an immense amount of pressure coming up with a pseudonym, isn't it? Rather than creating some sort of anagram from my real name -- which, now that I think about it, would have been better -- I went with Yancey. It just popped into mind. I recalled former Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver Yancey Thigpen. In fact, the original handle was exactly that -- Yancey Thigpen. But, realizing that this would probably be considered ILLEGAL to post as Yancey Thigpen -- not being the athlete who compiled 313 receptions in nine NFL seasons, myself -- I went with the far more general, if somewhat less intriguing "Yancey."

I also have a thing for obsolete minor sports stars, recognizable and key components to their teams' success during their tenures, yet utterly forgettable a handful of years after they retire. I mean, check out Thigpen's Wikipedia page. Not even a picture.

Other obsolete minor sports stars include:

Mike Greenwell
Otis Thorpe
Bam Morris

I guess what it boils down to is that I'm interested with the idea of dropping off the face of the earth. BUT ANYWAY...

This blog? Shit, I don't know. I've had blogs before, sure. Never anonymous, though, so this is a first. I doubt the tone of this blog will be much different from blogs past. I mean, I probably wouldn't use the phrase "baby rape" in a post with my name attached to it, but that's just because I live in a world that doesn't look kindly on evoking the image of babies getting raped.

Obviously I don't advocate baby rape. Who does?¹ I'm just saying that there are some people whose circumstances and obligations in life prevent them from even mentioning it. My circumstances and obligations are such. So, sure, it's a little empowering to have the freedom to say "baby rape" without fear of serious repercussion. Because isn't that what it's all about? My feeling okay with saying "baby rape?" God bless America.

Don't worry. I'm not going to go bat shit insane with all this new found anonymity. No racist diatribes here, my black and Asian friends. I love you all. Just think of it like I'm talking how I would around my closest friends who know me best and who know that I'm really very much against things like baby rape. Down with baby rape!

So, in a way, we're like best friends now. Isn't that nice?

Anyway, more to come. We'll see what this turns into. No need to smash the egg open to get the hatchling, we'll just let it hatch on it's own. What?

I don't know. Just, goodbye.

- Yancey



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¹ Baby rapists, I suppose.